RandomThoughts.

Instead of needing it like 24/7 I guess it now keeps me up 24/7.

The last cup O' Joe I had was at like 6:30 last night...

Normally this would be nooo problem, I could still sleep like a baby.
Not the case ne more.

I've been up alllll night now...It's 7:42 and I didn't sleep, not one wink. and I'm still wired.

Weird.

I guess the whole cutting back on coffee thing actually works.

Despite the fact I'm prob going to crash later, prob sooner rather than later, I did manage to get some stuff done...I tagged a bunch of people in photos on-line, and wrote my music paper so I can get an A.

One A down two more to go...hopefully.

I also got some news in....

I honestly don't get how people watch CNN allll day long. Just watching since 6 I think they have updated us at least like 20 times on who thinks Hilary should drop out of the race, and who doesn't.

I don't watch the news much but it seems everytime I do theres ANOTHER tornado. In a different place. Does anyone else notice this? It really makes me want to be more earthy crunchy, or I guess it's called being 'green' now. I hope they mass produce those water cars soon....

http://www.mobilemag.com/content/100/354/C8115/

i just paid $3.72 for gas today....gross...

...7:50- Is it time for Hilary Clinton to drop out?
WTF how many times can you ask us this?!? haha
...8:04 I guess they can do it again.....

has to be waiting for the last wash.

Its 12:44 and I'm still waiting for my last batch of prints to wash off...
I'm pretty happy tho with most of my prints which is good so then I will only have to come back tomorrow and make like 4 or 5 more acceptable ones....

There were at least some people in here to keep me company for a few hours..i think the last girl left at like 12ish...it calmed my nerves about being in here alone...the breeze from the window is pretty nice too...its always hot as balls in here...

things are looking up a bit...my necks back to normal (at least for now)...my loan is on its way to becoming much needed money...I've got a good chunk of my final projects done, or at least in the making...

I'm glad I don't have to deal with Italian, I mean it sucks that its gonna screw my gpa and credits and what not but just the fact that I'm not stressing to the point where I can't sleep is good enough for me....maybe thats why my neck swelled up...hummm....guess we will never know...

well its almost time to get my prints out, then i just have to bring em home and destroy them haha....all this work just to tear, scratch and stain my prints....

Thats what I feel like I am.

I just haven't been able to pull my life together this semester.

I've decided to let myself fail Italian.
I couldn't deal with the stress of it along with all this other shit in my life as well.

First F of my school career.

I'm trying to look at it in a positive way, after what, 15 years of school, I've only failed one class.
Ehh. It doesn't really help.

On another note, I forgot to pay my rent this month. Whoo for me.
We renewed our lease and for some reason I thought it still meant we were up to date until June, not the case.

So now on being a disappointment to my teacher I'm also one to my landlords and my roommates. We can throw my parents in there too. I know they are trying to sound supportive and help me but I can't hide from the resentment in their words.

Hopefully this loan thing will work out, I've hit three dead ends but this one looks hopeful...Money sucks.

Oh yeah and another fun thing this weekend was my neck decided to randomly swell up on one side. One day I thought I was getting and earache or something then i went to bed, got up, and my neck on one side had swollen out like two inches. Throughout the day it kept creeping further back on my neck and up my face a bit.
Weird.
I had Phil's mom check it out and she said if it didnt get any better soon it was probably an infection and I might have to go on iv antibiotics...luckily it's gone down and it's only a little swollen on my face.

The other night everything really got to me but now I'm just trying not to get so worked up about shit.

It's too beautiful out to be so angry and sad.

As long as this loan works out and I find a job this summer asap then I think I should be good....

I've squeezed in a bit of a life each summer even when working 2 jobs and literally only getting 2-4 hours of sleep a night soooo yeah.

life goes on.
its short and we gotta live it while we can.

that could have changed everything would have been helpful to know last semester, or even three semesters ago.

I guess that my Italian 110 class doesn't count as anything...nothing...well except maybe towards my gpa...but it doesn't count towards credits or anything..which means I am down 3 credits..which might be okay if I wasn't almost positive I'm going to fail Italian...
they gave me a second chance and I blew it...I slept through my alarm....

If I had known I was down 3 credits, like three semesters ago when I had finished the class, I could have taken more credits during any of the following semesters...If I had known this by last semester I would have taken another course this semester which would have made it possible to drop Italian without it making me a part time student/ fucking my GPA...So now if I fail, which I think I might just give up and let happen...I am short 9 credits...I can only take 18 credits a semester, without making myself crazy, and that will mean I am still down 3 credits...hello summer course...good bye money/valuable summer down time.

sorry for the rants.....this semester has just kicked my ass all over the place, and is still doing so.

I can't even look back and be like yeah that was the semester I got to go to Italy..no I am forever going to remember this as the semester that almost killed me.

bah.
summer get here quick!

a tan.
good times.
the warm sun beating down on me.
summer photos.
lazy days.
time to read.
to sleep with just a sheet.
yummy meals.
bbq's with friends.
fresh greenbeans from the garden.
my feet in the ocean.

and you know some other stuff too....

I always look at the prints drying on the racks...
i think every gets a little nosy sometime tho...

I'm waiting for my prints to finish washing, so then they can finish drying, so then I can leave.
It's making me really tired.
And Hungry.
And Thirsty.

I'm really thirsty.
I should have drank more water today.

I actually woke up semi early and got some things out of the way...some of them.
I still have millions more to do.

I'm really scared I'm gonna fail Italian this year...it will be my first class ever if I do :(
It's worth 6 credits too so it will completely destroy my GPA.
I really just want to ask the teacher again if there is even a chance I am gonna pass...I really don't know any more.
If theres not then, I'm not going to go anymore....what would be the point?
I think I'll ask her tomorrow.

Okay well my prints are ready to come out of the wash and start drying.
whoo hoo.

I hope this lady who showed up at 9 knows I'm leaving def. by 10.
I'm usual gone by now anyways so maybe she knows how to close up.
maybe not...she was wondering around looking really really confused...haha
I already had everything all cleaned and put away :(

anyways on to the prints...

Swear to god there are ghosts in this photo lab. the air compression machine turn on randomly, I'm almost positive that someone has to physically turn it on, and I'm the only one in here. Plus its crazy loud and scared the shit outta me.

mini heart attack.

Luckily my first attempt at playing around with a Holga camera was somewhat successful.
I don't know if I have any usable prints but at least something came out on the negatives! yay for me!

My roll should be dry soon...I hate that there is only 12 photos to a roll...sucks...but then i can leave.

I just realized I'm kind of really hungry.

I don't feel like going to the gym much anymore which means I didn't shower allll day for no reason.
I'm gross I know.
haha.

Well lets see if these prints are done....

something more than I've been striving for.

I don't think I've been striving for much of anything this year. I've kind of just been going through the motions here. Now that it's the end of the year I finally gained some motivation, go figure.

I think it had a lot to do with my recent bout of being poor and a little to do with the fact that I woke up this morning to Roseanne on TV. I don't want that life. The average one. I don't think I'd be happy at all. I mean I always thought that I could be happy with all the average things in life but i don't think thats me. I mean I don't want to be grossly rich or anything, I just want to do more than what is expected.

I felt like I have been a disappointment this semester to everyone, including myself. I'm ready to get my life back in order. Or in order actually, I don't think I've ever had it together.

Hopefully in the next two weeks I can get all my bills paid off, all my work caught up with, and get feeling good again.

I think this rain has cleansed more than just the ground.

I did them all day it seems.
I woke up from a night of cookout, drinks, and good people.
Ate breakfast with Shell and watched a bit of a movie.
Headed over to Puffers Pond after swinging by and getting kristy (kristen met up with us too!)
got my tan on.
Then I hiked a mountain with Shell.
:)
I also cleaned my car out a bit beacause it is disgusting.

Now i really can't see myself getting in the school mood at all..i gots some studying to do and papers to write which sucks.

Another thing that really sucks is that im super super poor.
I'm not watching the kids this summer so I have to find a job quick.
I don't think i have been this poor since i was like 15 and didnt have a job haha.

eeekkk....hopefully i can pull of these few last weeks of school (20 more days!! and thats including weekends :) yay!)

okay...on to take a shower.........

i can't wait for roasted marshmallows and campfires!!!!!!!!!

soon please!

make me happy.

i wish i had gotten to lay out side all day today, although i saw a bunch of people with sunburns...

walking back from class tonight made me happy tho cuz its just like one of those summer nights at the beach, cool and comfy.

i can't wait for summer!!!

ohhhhh yeahh funniest thing ever last night, well weirdest thing....so i was walking back from the photo lab last night and a cop drove by me...then three kids on bikes, they had em all decked out old school, cards in the spokes and everything...then....after they flew by me, another bike came up behind me...only this time it was a girl riding the bike...with fuzzy red titty tassels and nothing else, well besides the see thru lace leggings....hahaha i was so mad no one was around to see it and that i hadn't gotten a picture!! soo weird.


haha well aside from my lack at being a failure at italian things are sorta looking up or at least getting humorous....

found out after thursday one of my classes is optional! whoo hoo....then ill have time to lay out!!!

even when i try its useless...

so i had to make up an Italian exam today that i missed and the teacher told me to ask my friend Tan what was on it...so i did...

i studied for a few hours and studied even more today....

3 of the things he told me to study weren't on the test and 4 things he didnt mention were....

sweet.
just my luck huh?

i think my summer mood left last week when the weather got all crappy and depressing...plus i didn't go running...except that one time where my pants kept fallin off...no good.

the weekend kind of followed in the same depressing manor...i mean the stuff i did didn't suck i was just in a sad kinda mind set i guess...thats no fun either...

hopefully this week ill get back in the laid back swing of things...
if not...i don't know what to do....

sometimes i feel like just driving until i get lost and never finding my way back.....
then i think about how much i'd miss my friends and i decide not to...

i think i want to go on random road trips this summer and get lost...with friends...and of course find our way back haha...any takers?

I do have hope for this weekend tho...Nichole's 21st!!! Gonna be a good time i'm sure....

guess ill get on making dinner, or doing some homework, or tv, or sleeping.......maybe just trying to breathe...

I hate the fact that advisers don't advise so well.

I can't express my anger.

Up until now I was doing sooooo well at holding my summer thinking values....
I was a bit stressed, or at least I should have been, but I was still level headed and happy....

Maybe I've just lost it because I've drank a few alcoholic beverages tonight, or Maybe it's because of the fact that my day was crazy and I just got a clarifying e-mail from my adviser telling me that I have been misinformed since freshman year about my Global Ed Requirements...despite my several e-mails requesting information and clarifications on the subject matter.

UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG.
This whole mess of a situation could have been avoided with a little more in-depth research on my part I guess.....you can't rely on others really, even if they are employed to help and support you.

Other than this annoying matter I have a few other things I'm not offcially letting bug me and I'm fine with that.
I'll figure it out.

On a better note I got to see some old friends tonight that I really do miss a lot and I hope to see them more! Boooo to Nursing Clinicals!!!

I'm going to try to sleep now and try to wake up and run tomorrow so I won't be angry forever.....

maybe I'll stop by an office or two and try to figure out my life.

If I wasn't trying to get into a grad school I really wouldn't care less about my gpa but...I am....So...I Do.




Ahhhh Summer come quick!!!!!!



ps just realized that its 318 am and there is no way i am waking up before my 9 am to run that....fuk that!
Night.

I'm really horrible at foreign languages past like the second semester of them but I have to take it for my major....

they give you an option of taking only 6 credits (which i've done) and 9 credits of classes in that area of study...

figuring that taking the intensive classes (two semesters in one) would get the requirements out of the way quickly and i wouldn't have to deal with my inept ability at learning them, i decided to take them...(i didn't want to have to deal with 3 classes of italian studies)

turns out that two classes, i've already taken, having nothing to do with italian, count as classes in that region of study!!! I would have had to only take one more class...not even an italian one...urrrggg.

instead i took the second level of intensive italian (semesters three and four combined) and now i don't even know if I'm going to pass it!!!

Hahaha...I wish my advisor had told me all this when I sent her about a million e-mails asking about this....

I know i will figure it out...i just don't know if my gpa will still be intact!







ohhhh well....I'm going to get on my millions of pounds of italian homework that i don't get.....

So I have begun to settle into my summer mode of thinking....
Theres too much chance and irony in life to get soo stressed about everything...
i mean there are things in life you can control, for the most part, but it shouldn't feel like the end of the world when you can't control every aspect of it. 

I've begun to accept that not everything is going to be all smiles and giggles and sometimes you have to try a lot harder to achieve a small thing but oh well.....what else are you going to do? cry about? 

I mean in the end what is really going to matter? 

I'm just hoping I can say I enjoyed as much of life as I could, even if I didn't get to do or have everything I wanted.

I'm taking my own advice and just relaxing...not getting soo crazed about all the crappy things that have happened or might happen....it's not worth it...we only have so much time and the older we get it seems the less and less we have each day......

soo yeahh...i'm hoping these 60 degree weather predictions and newly relaxed attitude hold true....

i really think i might be having one.
im like freaking out about what im gonna do after school and how im gonna be in debt my whole life...eekk.

i was really considering going to mass art for grad school but it says that grad students there are like 27-29 years old and that they have been working on their portfolio for several years.....uggg...wtf am i gonna do now?

alicia says eveything will work out....i just wish i knew how....

this whole reality thing really gets to you sometimes............................................................

 




i feel like i just let life pile up and im just no good at sorting messes.

already?
i'm only a junior and i feel like i have senioritis again haha.

i can't focus on school work and i just keep thinking about everything else...boo.

even now...haha i should be doing some form of school work...studying italian, working on my photoprojects....
but nope, watching a marathon of americas next top model, one that i have already seen!! haha im so lazy...i can't even bring myself to go for a run right now, even tho bathingsuit season is right around the corner....

i don't know what it is...

i think once i get overwhelmed i just shut down and ignore all the stuff i have to do....bad habit!

ohh well...next commercial i am going to do photo project stuff!!!

get grossed out by the charmin toilet paper bear ads?

 

weird.

So i'm home... 

left Sicily on a beautiful day ended up in raining Rome before finding my way home to a cold Amherst.....
It was amazingly beautiful there and i hope to someday return with friends :)

we did so much each day it felt like we were there for so much longer and in a way i was ready to come home...
i missed everyone but i know if i had all my friends there with me i would never  want to leave!

i'm waiting to uplaod all my photos cuz i don't think my hard drive will survive haha....although, i don't think the photos capture how gorgeous it really is there....

Now i really want to travel even more and see everything and i hope good friends join! :) 

 

the warmth of summer and its adventures can't come sooon enough!

Eeekkk I leave for Sicily on Friday! Craziness!
I'm still trying to get all my stuff together, I have to buy more stuff too...im just glad i don't have to pack with my mother, she would be soo stressed out and prob make me pack enough for a month haha 

i was looking at all the hotels we are staying at...i think thats what got me so pumped they look so purdy:
The first one we stay at:
http://www.panoramichotel.net/html_eng/homepage.htm
The second one:
http://www.baiadelcapitano.it/tmp/main.html
and this is the last one:
http://www.presidenthotelsplendid.com/

sooo pumped :)
i hope my luggage doesnt get lost or anything stupid like that i want my first out of country experience to be a good one so then nothing will be holding me back from doing it again! (i don't count canada as out of the country really haha )
i wish i was going with all my friends but i think ill have fun just the same!
ohh yeah and i found out i can bring back wine and cheese!!! whoo hoo soo pumped...i wonder what else i can bring home.....

can't wait!
i hope everyone else spring breaks will be good too!!!